TO: All floor staff, Yarn Ball Emporium FROM: Madame Purlina Tangle, Founder RE: Wool Basket, Now Occupied
Colleagues,
I write regarding the wool baskets on the shop floor. As you are aware, we sell wool baskets of the highest quality. They are handwoven, sturdy and roomy. They are also, according to a recent survey, being occupied by staff for an average of nine hours a day.
The situation
The baskets are intended to hold wool. They are not intended to hold you. Yet each morning I arrive to find four cats curled in four baskets, with a ball of wool in each paw and an expression of deep innocence. When I ask what they are doing, I am told, ‘Testing.’
Observations
I have identified several patterns:
- The largest basket is always taken by Skein
- The smallest basket is also taken by Skein
- Customers who wish to buy a basket often find it warm
- Several baskets have now been returned for being too well used
New rules
From Monday:
- No staff to sleep in baskets on the sales floor
- Baskets on display must contain wool, not cats
- Wool in baskets must be dry, tidy and facing forward
- Any cat found in a basket must be gently asked to leave, and then left alone
I recognise the last rule contradicts the first three. I leave it to your judgement.
On customer service
Customers do not enjoy buying a basket that is already purring. I appreciate that some find this charming. But we cannot sell charm. We sell baskets. If a customer asks about a particular basket, please do not say, ‘It is mine.’
Alternative arrangements
I have ordered a set of Staff Baskets, to be kept in the back room. They are slightly more expensive than the shop baskets. This is deliberate. I hope the cost will encourage you to feel respected.
Closing
I will check the floor again tomorrow at nine. If any basket is occupied, I will assume it is merchandise. I will then sell it, with the cat in it, at a small discount.
With affection and a fraying patience,
P. Tangle