Our Monthly Yarn Box Subscription is a joy to receive and a project to defend. We answer your questions below, along with a few you were afraid to ask.
What is in the box?
Each month we send three skeins of premium wool, a pattern card, a stitch marker, and a small treat for the cat. The treat is intended to distract the cat from the wool. It has never worked. We continue to include it as a matter of tradition.
When does the box arrive?
Boxes are shipped on the first of the month and arrive some days later, depending on the courier. Our courier is a thoughtful man who walks slowly and stops to look at cats. We do not rush him.
What happens when it arrives?
The box will be placed on your doorstep. The cat will detect it through the wall. The cat will sit by the door and wait for you to bring it in. You will bring it in. The cat will sit on it. You will not be able to open it. This is known as the Arrival Phase.
How do I open it?
- Wait until the cat is asleep
- Open the box, slowly
- Remove the contents, in silence
- Reseal the box, to give the cat something to sit on
Can I cancel?
You may cancel at any time. You will receive a form. The form is a drawing of a ball of yarn. Underneath is written: ‘Are you sure?’ Underneath that is written: ‘Skein is very sad.’ Several customers have been unable to cancel because of this.
Can I change my colours?
Yes. Simply tell us your colour preferences. We will note them. We will then send whatever Skein has chosen. Skein selects colours by walking along the shelf with his eyes closed. He has an excellent record, in the sense that he has never been wrong, because he does not check.
What if the box is empty?
If you open a box and find it empty, the cat has been first. We recommend a polite note. We will send a replacement, and a sympathy card, and a second treat.
Is it worth it?
We believe so. Our subscribers report greater joy, deeper calm and a persistent feeling of being slightly watched. We consider this good value.
This is a parody business, and no real boxes will be sent. If you receive one, it is probably from someone else, and the cat has already claimed it.